WEDNESDAY ESSAY: The Way Life Should Be: Abortion and Trans Sanctuary Law Just Passed in Maine

Privilege is when you think that something's not a problem because it's not a problem for you personally . . .  (David Gaider)

Years ago, I applied for a job at a university in Florida. It was a prestigious job and I wanted it so bad I could taste it. By the time I showed up for my interview I’d already identified the house I would buy . . . much, much larger than my NYC apartment. Much, much cheaper. I thought lustfully of all the midcentury furniture I would acquire in this state where many elderly folks spend the final chapters of their lives.

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I was standing on a precipice, eager to launch myself into the fantasy of the life that job might have offered, and that sprawling single-story ranch home with its courtyard and spacious living and separate dining rooms, far from the throb of New York City. JJ was very young then. I remember being excited that they would have the opportunity to take horseback riding lessons. (Why?) During my visit, I went to a park by the water where crusty alligators lay on the bank in their dusty patent-leather hides. Alligators are the closest thing we have to dinosaurs. They are, in fact, distant relatives of those ancient lizards, and today we make purses out of them. At the time, I found this intriguing.

Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Someone else beat me out for that job, and I heave a sigh of relief these days when I think about that. I imagine myself in Florida today, with a trans kid. I imagine how much harder this fight would be. You can go to jail in Florida for harming or harassing an alligator; meanwhile, the current state legislature there is trying to bring about the extinction of transgender humans. I find this unconscionable.

Fortunately for JJ and me, we ended up in Maine. Not due to any career moves, but because I started dating a Mainer who lured me to his state, for summers at first, and then permanently. That relationship failed, but by then JJ and I had become used to Maine. We are very aware that we are not “Mainers.” Yet, we are not inclined to leave.

Given the legislation that was passed today, despite numerous death and bomb threats, you can see why we stay. I am relieved that I do not, like my dear mom-friend in Louisville, KY, have to fear that my gender nonconforming kid will be affected by legislation that targets trans youth. She’s been working two full-time jobs to rustle up the funds to send her kids to a private school.

But it’s kind of bullshit to think you’re safe or better off just because you live in a different state. No one chooses where they are born. It’s not like winning a board game.

So, yeah, I’m super happy that the Janet Mills of this world got this bill enacted, and thrilled for what it represents. SANCTUARY. What an awesome way to do things!

But then I think of all the gender nonconforming kids and adults who live in states like Florida, where they may very well need to flee, and I no longer feel so carefree. That could have been JJ and me.

There is a very serious and scarily pure current of violence against all transgender / gender fluid / non-binary individuals that thrives on its own destruction-focused energy in our country. It’s not just the red states. This is happening in all our states.

You can feel this anti-trans energy even in Maine. (JJ, Peter -- my partner-- and I live across the street from Trumpers, and maintain a polite (non-communicative) relationship.

What can we do to combat trans hate?

We have a couple of choices.

We can laze about like those gators I saw by the mangrove-staked waters when I was going for that job years ago, living under the protection of anti-extinction laws in states not currently being governed by Tyranny-osaurus Rex. In other words, living in our liberal bubbles thinking nobody will ever be able to make a pair of cowboy boots out of our hides (recall that Maine’s legislation protects abortion rights, too).

**** OR ****

We can face this thing like the existential threat that it is. We can work to normalize trans-existence by 1) VOTING FOR BIDEN this November; 2) talking to people about why they should vote for Biden this November; 3) sharing my column and any other trans-focused articles we read with our families and friends, and 4) joining our local Pride Parades this June!

Let’s work to normalize trans-existence and experience by talking about it candidly, by welcoming trans folks into our lives, by requesting (and then demanding) that businesses and institutions provide accommodations, like gender neutral restrooms and diversity-trained staff. Let’s listen to trans voices.

Let’s do this, people. We are not dinosaurs!

Gender Defiant: Raising a Trans Teen is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.